Supporting Kids Through The Adversity of Trauma
2020… Never did I envisaged my first blog post for 2020 to be one about trauma. Instead, perhaps, something of a more positive nature… with touches of ambitions and ideas of what the upcoming new year and new decade could possibly hold. However with the current events in Australia there is not one of us that hasn’t been impacted by the devastation of the fires across our country.
Our hearts are broken from the shear volume of devastation of lives lost, whole towns burnt, hectares and hectares of bushland gone, wildlife suffering ~ homeless and lives lost, homes and livelihoods destroyed, holiday adventures cut short, families displaced, fears heightened, people evacuated, towns on alert.
The fallout from the devastation will ripple through our country long after the fires have been extinguished due to the shear enormity of destruction.
Talking to our children about what they have seen, heard and for some have even lived through is very important as they may experience a heightened level of anxiety, stress and overwhelm at these traumatic times. An intense sense of emotions may be present especially if they are not privy to the information surrounding the trauma and therefore do not understand fully their safety in the crisis.
Validating our children’s emotions and letting them know that their feelings are ‘normal’ in an ‘abnormal’ situation is very important.
Engaging with our children about such difficult topics can be overwhelming even to us as adults, as most of us are not sure what to say in such a crisis. Your child’s age will have an influence on how your child is affected by the trauma and the information before them. While some children may be affected adversely by exposure to information, others long for the right information to make sense and comprehend what they are seeing and hearing, and to gain a better understanding of how they fit into the situation and what they can do to remain safe.
It is important to remember that many children are more resilient than we often as adults imagine they are capable of and have a brilliant natural ability to adapt to challenging events. Hiding facts and details from our children does not support how they are able to digest what is going on or even enable our children to build resilience. It can in fact, have negative consequences in fearful situations. Guiding them with age appropriate language and facts facilitates resilience building skills.
Through education we teach our children to respect, understand, navigate and manage dangers in their lives. Teaching, guiding and showing our children how to protect themselves throughout their daily lives decreases fear, worry and overwhelm and builds confidence in knowing what to do in dangerous situations such as crossing the road, stranger danger, fire drills, bushfire plans/emergencies, anaphylaxis action plans, aeroplane emergency plans etc.
If your child is showing signs of:
increased clinginess
changes in sleeping patterns
changes in eating patterns
an increase in physical ailments such as headaches, stomach aches
changes in their mood such as irritability, angry outbursts for no apparent reason, snappiness, shutting down
development of new fears, appearing on edge, frightened
These could be signs that your child is having difficulties in processing the information of the traumatic event or situation.
If you notice these or other changes in your child it is important to ask your child what they are concerned about? What they are worried about? Talk to them with age appropriate language, in an open manner, that validates their feelings and allows them to open up about what their concerns are. Give space and listen to their questions that they express and fears that they raise and show them that you understand. Validate that they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings.
WAYS TO HELP CHILDREN THROUGH TRAUMA
Listen carefully to what your child says and be guided by your child to understand what is going on in their mind.
If you notice changes in your child’s behaviour ask them questions to describe or get them to draw what they are thinking and feeling. Try to find out what made them feel this way.
Answer their questions truthfully and reassuringly using age appropriate language. Sharing family established plans for staying safe with your child doesn’t overwhelm them or create fear. It allows them to use more helpful thinking alternatives than an uninformed imagination may create. It allows them to feel empowered. Using positive, reassuring language when around our children is important in aiding growth of self-confidence.
Managing our own reactions in stressful situations is one of the greatest lessons for our children. You know the saying… actions speak louder than words. Our children watch everything we do and learn so easily from what we do. Modelling effective coping skills in stressful situations can be our children’s biggest lesson and greatest calm in building coping skills.
Other ways as parents we are able to support our children:
introduce them to age appropriate stress/anxiety management skills and techniques that they are able to add to their coping toolbox such as;
Calming coping skills that are designed to relax a person such as deep breathing exercises, square breathing, teddy on your tummy breathing, focus on sounds, grounding exercises, trace a pattern, singing a nursery rhyme or song, saying the alphabet.
Distracting coping skills designed to distract and maintain a person’s attention in times that they might be otherwise focused on a certain stressor such as write a story, colouring in, reading a good book, distraction with a screen, playing a board game.
Physical coping skills designed to rebalance energy either by re-energising or managing excess energy in the body such as use of a stress ball, shred paper, use a fidget spinner, squeeze bubble wrap, dance, play in the sand, play with play dough, exercise, walk, run, skip, sing.
Processing coping skills designed to help work through thoughts and feelings you have about challenging situations such as stress scales, feelings thermometers, feelings wheel, feelings colours, rate your stress, body scanning, mapping my stress, writing in a journal, talking to someone you trust, listen to music, make a worry box and so many more…
Adversity of trauma is evident in our children’s lives in many ways in the fast paced world that we are exposed to today. Different examples of trauma that a child may experience is diversified from parents separating, the experience of anaphylaxis, bullying, diagnosis of an illness, natural disasters, medical procedures, living with a chronic illness, violence, to name a few. Coping skills and techniques aid in building resilience to work through trauma.
You may want to seek professional support and advice if:
you or your child are experiencing continued ongoing worrying behaviours or thoughts that have been affected by trauma or a crisis.
you or your child feels that they are not coping and are experiencing prolonged behavioural changes, disruption in sleep, altered eating patterns or ongoing nightmares, headaches or stomach aches.
you don’t understand your child’s reaction to a traumatic event.